Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
