call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
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For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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