Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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