im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
