woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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