Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
