Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
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Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
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Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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