JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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