the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
