can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
