Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
