# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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