is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
