what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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