The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
4 words: hood of his car
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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