dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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