if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
