I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
