i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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