I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
