My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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