I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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