I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
