i jhust puked up my retainher.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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