Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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