he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
