last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
