its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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