Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
