Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
