apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
