beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
