i barfeds in our rink
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
