Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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