It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
