i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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