giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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