So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
