Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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