You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
