According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
