They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
