Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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