I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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