I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
vagina is talking i cant
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
