there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize