Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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