I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize