who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
love makes seman taste better
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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