I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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