I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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