My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
