sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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