When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
