Whod you bang
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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