Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
