Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
