Small penises have feelings too.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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