I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
