you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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