ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
