she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
