why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
