seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
