Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
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You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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