I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i came on her dog
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
